BNN - Boggart Network News

Scientific Dictatorship: The Total Surveillance Society Is Coming Soon.

boggartblog — Sat, 18 May 2013 18:05:31 +0000

Just because you’re paranoid, it does not mean they are not watching you. The totall surveillance society is spreading as fast as your freedom is disappearing. CCTV, Drones, Google data snooping, giant databases, everything you do is monitored and logged.

Scientific Dictatorship: The Total Surveillance Society Is Coming Soon.

Road Wars? Rubber Balls Of Terror, Skipping Ropes Of Mass Destruction?

boggartblog — Mon, 13 May 2013 18:38:15 +0000

You’ll be glad to know that fat sweaty coppers from the Politically Correct Thought Police are keeping you safe in your homes by operating a zero tolerance policy against little girls.

And why not, the Labour Prime Minister who ushered in the Politically Correct Thought Police reign of terror promised to be tough on crime, tough on the causes of crime. Well crimes are committed by adults and children grow up to be adults so it makes sense to crack down on childhood games and make sure the kinds are well intimidated.

Or so it might seem to parents in Kent.

Read full post Road Wars, Rubber Balls Of Terror, Skipping Ropes Of Mass Destruction

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Something new from me at wordpress

boggartblog — Sun, 12 May 2013 18:07:51 +0000

It seemed like time I put some of my poetry on WordPress but I couldn’t be arsed starting a new blog today, so as this is a satirical blog and I think too much contemporary poetry is miserablist and navel gazing here are a couple of satirical verses. Read the text here or follow the links to hear MP3 audio performances.

Fitness Fanatic’s Blues

Hear the audio version of Fitness Fanatics Blues

I looked in the mirror six months ago,
Saw a man standing there with a big beer belly
My girl said Man you’ve got to lose some weight
All you do is drink beer and watch sport on the tele.
Get youself down to the gymnasium
If you want to stay fit then you’ve got to get wise
Jog every morning work out every night
You can’t drink no more beer, cant eat no more pies.

At six every morning I’m out on the road
Rain sun or frost I jog for an hour
But when I get home and tell my girl I feel good
She says get in the bathroom and take a cold shower

I don’t eat potatoes nor pasta or chips
I’ve become a slave to my calorie chart
Health foods and salads keep my weight down
But don’t stand too close ‘cause I’m liable to fart
I’ve been a fitness fanatic for half a year now
My body looks good but I’ve still got the blues
I can’t eat, I don’t drink if I want to get high
I just take a sniff at my training shoes.

Boy’s Games

Hear the audio performance of Boy’s Games

He said I am a great stud
A stallion, a bloke
There’s nothing I like better
Than giving girlies a good poke
I eat curry and drink lager,
hate sissy things like art,
like football, porn and violence;
I curse and belch and fart.

She said I want a strong man
Who will dominate and rule me
Not some weepy new – age wuss,
All that caring doesn’t fool me.
He told her “I hate woofters too
I think they should be shot
So you’re the kind of girl for me
I fancy you a lot.”

And as he took her to his flat
She gazed in adoration
How cruelly reality
Can shatter expectation
For when she tried to be affectionate
And placed his hand upon her thigh
He said “you’re just a cheap slut”
And gave her a black eye.

But still she thought she loved him
She loved his greasy, unwashed hair
Powerfully muscled shoulders,
And distressed underwear.
She told him “I’m your woman,
I’ll do anything you ask.”
“He replied “I want a woman,
Who can be one of the lads.”

So she dressed in jeans and T-shirt
but it was not enough
He told her “that mascara
Makes you look just like a pouf.”
She said “I am your woman,
Please fill me every night”
So he took her to his local
And filled her up with pints.

She said “let’s go out dancing”
He said “You’ll make me look a fool”
So she followed him to the pub again
And learned how to play pool
Finally he was pleased with her
She had put aside her girlie past
And he thought she was learning
To be a bloke at last.

She begged him “Please make love to me?
Our sex life is a farce.”
So he bent her across the table
And screwed her boyish arse.

US Coastguard ordered to stay in port and allow illegal immigrants, terrorists.

boggartblog — Wed, 08 May 2013 15:24:34 +0000

So who is running the show in Washington, the Obama administration, the Mexical dug Cartel, The Muslim Brotherhood, Obnoxio The Clown?

While British visitors are still having to hand over their nail files, ball point pens, bottles of Lucozade and combs at U S immigration control, the message going out to would be illegal immigrants and political activists trying to infiltrate Obamalan is ‘Drugs, weapons, explosives, illegal aliens people traffickers with boat loads of sex industry conscripts and lazy, flatulent Volkwagen Beetle drivers with repulsive body odours are all are welcome under a new directive from the caring, sharing, diversity loving Obama administration, just so long as the wannabe malfeasants are prepared to join hands and sing Kumbaya when ordered.

There is an ongoing, emergency situation with the U.S. Coast Guard, which is now an agency under the U.S. Department of Homeland Security. Their job is to stop illegal entrants, drug smugglers, gun runners and evil bearded demons intent on endangering life limb and lardy arse. And they are failing.

The Obama administration’s answer? Simples, if you are not succeeding at what you are supposed to be doing pretend you are really trying to do something else. Thus:

“By directive, starting last Monday, 29 April 2013 (barring emergency calls) Coast Guard District 7, which stretches from the Carolinas to Alabama to Florida, has been restricted from activity. There will be no enforcement patrols of large or small craft allowed in U.S. territorial seas, district-wide,” according to a WDW confidential source.’

The Tractor Enthusiast – a silly story

boggartblog — Sat, 04 May 2013 18:28:48 +0000

Another dead news day, here’s a silly .story

by ianrthorpe @ 2013-05-04 – 17:51:23

I was reminded of this while watching Seasick Steve on Jools Holland last night. Steve is a vintage tractor enthusiast when not making guitars out of old hubcaps.

Fred loved old tractors, he doted on them, vintage tractors were his obession. He spent more time with his collection of tractors than he did with …

Read all:

A Silly Story For Another Dead News Day

Forget The Big Pharma Propaganda – The British Medical Journal Tells Us Measles Is Not A Killer Disease

boggartblog — Sat, 27 Apr 2013 17:50:24 +0000

Now how does that thing about learning from history go? Oh never mind, this will do:

“To those who live in fear all things are a threat.
As the government joins Big Pharma corporations in raising the hysteria level about the measles outbreak in Wales, The Informed Parent website has compiled some historic articles from The British Medical Journal showing that in the 1950s before Big Pharma had measles vaccines to sell, doctors did not consider the disease to pose a major risk to …

Forget The Big Pharma Propaganda – The British Medical Journal Tells Us Measles Is Not A Killer Disease

Please Don’t Burn Out (ahem) Outhouse Down – Boggart Blogs Tribute To Mrs Thatcher

boggartblog — Thu, 18 Apr 2013 12:06:17 +0000

To be blunt, we in the outer fringes of britain, the north of England, Scotland, Walkes and Northern Ireland were never as besotted with Margaret Thatcher as people in what social reformer William Cobbett called The Great Wen, that land of “stock -jobbers”, “loan hucksters”, “graveyard bookies”, “commission seekers” and ” tax eaters” around London.

Sohow could we mark the passing of The Gorgon of Grantham?

A song originating from the hardships on the late 19th and early 20th centuries that we used to sing in the playground at school, not understanding the significance at the time (well we got our free milk in the 1950s) fitted the job description.

It seemed an appropriate way to remember the havoc caused in industrial areas by the economic and business policies of Margaret Thatcher’s government.

Boggart Blog presents our tribute to Maggie Thatcher, the iron lady.

Please Don’t Burn Our Shithouse Down – Tribute To Margaret Thatcher

Video version:

How To Talk About Books We Have Not Read

boggartblog — Mon, 18 Mar 2013 18:31:17 +0000

Can we really talk about books we haven’t read as the title of the book reviewed here suggests? The author, french literature academic Pierre Bayard argues that it is perfectly feasible as books are not so much about narrative and characters as ideas. Does Bayard’s argument hold up? Poet and ideas man Ian R. Thorpe reviews How To Talk About Books You Haven’t Read (without having read it of course)

Read the full article to learn how to talk about books you have not read

When Minority Rights Trumps Majority Rule Dictatorship Must Follow

boggartblog — Tue, 12 Feb 2013 20:13:10 +0000

Most of the wailing and gnashing of teeth we hear coming from the left these days concerns human rights. But when human rights issues that only affect minorities start to override the will of the majority, when securing the rights of minorities can only be achieved by infringing the rightinority Rights Trumps Major

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‘When Minority Rights Trumps Majority Rule Dictatorship Must Follow’

Boggart Blog Bogcast 002 – Dog to be put down for being gay?

boggartblog — Fri, 01 Feb 2013 15:02:55 +0000

A story about a mongrel that was due to be put down after being abandoned by its owner who thought it was gay touched our … well Boggarts don’t have hearts but it touched something. So we bring you the shoe humping tortoise in an effort to encourage tolerance.
This video was intended to be a rehearsal, the light is too harsh and the background is untidy. But we liked it so we thought wtf, we’ll post it.